She is one of the greatest loves of my life....though I am sure I am not the first one to have fallen for her....Many before me and surely many more after me will also fall for her. She is not getting any younger, in fact according to estimates; she is roughly 1000 years old. But, her beauty never fades and her charm lies in the fact that she can adapt according to and with changing times. Yes that’s the beauty of my love, the English language.
But, though my love for her is un-conditional, I cannot say the same about my feelings for her strict mother...the English grammar. The purists and the linguists will disapprove. How can you love the one and ignore the existence of the other, they ask? What would she be, without the character and structured life that Mother grammar gives the daughter? Is it possible at all to truly love the daughter (language) without understanding the mother (grammar)?
True. I agree. But, the fact remains, as far back as I can remember, I always had an uncomfortable relation with Mother Grammar. And every Indian school student will surely remember the bible of Mother Grammar, the ultimate grammar book- Wren & Martin.
I hated it. With all my heart. I still can’t make out head or tail of the book. Don’t get me wrong...the book is very good. But, though always a pretty good student of English, I always used to do pathetically in grammar. Even today, if asked the difference between or to point out an adjective, a verb, an adverb or a preposition in a sentence, I would give a blank face. This never fails to confound most of my friends, who have a common love for the language. In fact, I still remember one of my friends’ (a teacher of English- no less!) admonishment, after discovering my ignorance of these basic tenets of the English language, “Are you for real??? How can you possibly not know all these basic things? And they are so simple to understand! ”
I ran for cover.....
But, there is only one class of words, which I never have problems with- The Proper Noun!
What’s life if you don’t beat around the bush a bit!! And that (finally) brings me to the main topic of my story...the usages and interpretations of the Proper Noun! And as I have discovered to my amusement, horror and personal experience, there is nothing PROPAH about the way people treat the PROPER NOUN... And ever since Mr. Shakespeare declared that a rose by any other name is just as beautiful.... people have gone about like nobody’s business to ensure that his words remain true!
I still remember the words of my favourite English teacher, Mrs. Kutty. You can pronounce proper noun in your own way...or something to that effect. And having got this mantra...I went right ahead and used my license to kill!
It was in the year 1994 or 95. One of my mentors in life-BG, for whom I was doing a summer job of pasting and posting mailers, was keen to introduce me to western music.
He lent me 4 audio cassettes (CDS were still exorbitantly priced and DVDs unheard of). 2 of the albums, I don’t recall. 3rd one was of the group ‘America’. The last was of an American duo, whose songs I found very soothing and was generally bowled over by their music. So, I come back to office all excited and declare, “I LOVED the songs of SEEMON and JAARFUNKEL”.
BG almost fell from his chair, “WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?”
Me (now not so excited): “Wwwhy? The cassette you gave me....of seeeemon and jaarfunkel”
BG (Look of horror still fresh in my mind):”Oh My GOD! It’s Simon & Garfunkel...not whatever you just said right now!!! ”
I think he had a scowl set on his normally pleasant face, for the rest of the afternoon! Incidentally, it was the album “Mother & Child Reunion” which BG had so kindly given to me.
So that was one of my many faux pas with the not-so-proper-NOUN.
Let’s now fast forward 10 years. I was in the city of Chennai, in my first job. As I soon discovered, my name was pronounceable in so many DIFFERENT AND DIFFERENT ways, which I could never have dreamt of.
Lets take some examples which became commonplace.
Phone Call-Incident 1:
Me: Hello
Voice at other end: Hello, is this Mr. Satyaaaa....nandan
Me (with amusement): Yeah, Sayantan it is....
Phone Call-Incident 2:
Me: Hello
Voice at other end: Hello, is this Mr. Satyaa....narayan
Me (wearily): Actually, it is.... Sayantan...but you can call me anything!
Voice at other end (embarrassed): Sorry sir, hello Mr. Sayantan.....
But, my favourite of all was this guy, who was working in Perot Systems, if I am not wrong. He would call me up on the cell and start,”Hullo Saitan!” And i would reply,”Sir, my parents lovingly named me Sayantan, not Shaitan sir! ” Of course, after a few days, I gave it up as a lost cause.
You see....my name reeks of bong...I mean if there ever was a list of typical Bengali names compiled, I am confident to be on the list i.e. all fellow Sayantans of the world. But, as I found out, I am not alone!
Take for instance, the case of my good friend Penelope. Not Penelope Cruz, but Penelope B.
Someone in office once called her name as “Penalope”. I, the unsolicited guardian of the proper noun, cried out” Maan, Its Pe-ne-lope with stress on the e and no aa in between!”
But, Penelope or Penny as she prefers being called, after many such misadventures is quite used to these, and just tells people, “Just call me Penny” without batting an eyelid. She has, according to her, in her lifetime being called by names as varied as Penalope, Peneelopa, Feni (yup, the famous goan drink!) and the best of all- PenaPole!!! As in South Pole, North Pole and Penapole
I nearly fell on the floor laughing, when I heard the last one!
And this phenomenon is not just restricted to India. As my friend has found out during his trips to continental US and continental Europe.... His name is Somdeb, but as he found out, it can become Som-daab, Somdeo (tending towards Deol!), and last but not the least, after several desperate attempts, one person called him, Somday....as in Monday, Tuesday.....
So, is it really important how you pronounce names or proper nouns? I guess, you cannot really avoid such genuine mistakes, which are bound to happen when the world is shrinking into a smaller and smaller place, where people of different cultures, languages and yes pronunciation meet and interact.
How to deal with such situations? With a sense of humour which will make it easy on both parties. After all, I can assure you, the person making the mistake, is even more embarrassed when he or she realises the faux pas....
Or you can follow the saying “If you can’t beat them, join ‘em!” as is done by another friend of mine Prasanna, or Prakkhanno, as the name should be pronounced. But, people find it too difficult and Prasanna is absolutely cool about it....
Ok. Enough of the proper noun...
It’s late in the night...time to unwind with some vintage” Seeemon & Jaarfunkel”!
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